Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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