Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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