The maid of honor just puked.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
