This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I lost the right to judge tonight
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
