I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
