I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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