I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
