i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
