yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
