she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize