she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
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