through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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