I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
