i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
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Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
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Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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