How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
