we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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