i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
