Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
