i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
