i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
