I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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