The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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