My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
