actually, I'm a sock model
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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