Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think I sprained my soul last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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