When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
