Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize