he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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