No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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