i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
