I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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