apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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