this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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