she woke up with a sticky ear
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
