Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Damn victory sex feels great
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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