"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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