I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
