I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
