I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
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She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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