how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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