We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone signed my nipple.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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