Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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