I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
