a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Welp...herpes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
