So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
