There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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