Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
