I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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