I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
