I think im going to throw up on grandma
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
