The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
