Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
