No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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