I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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