did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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