batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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