I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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