i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is wine microwaveable?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.