I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...