Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!