Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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