Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
