You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
