having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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