Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
