no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
