i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
