they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
