we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
